CONVERTED.

holy shit, today was very self-realization and very enlightening day.

i attended a spirituality panel, that the great Piale reminded me of that my old Anthro. teacher hosts.

they pretty much have hardcores from a certain religion, introduce themselves and debate.

this semester they had

• a "Good" Christian,


• a Soka Gakkai Buddhist (haha that brenda had a crush on),


• a AWESOME Athiest,


• and a Modern Day Satanist.

it was heated as hell and there was a mass of people, i didn't expect this many people.

Well they each took turns explaining themselves and their respected beliefs. and then opened up for questions.

the ones that stood out to me the most were the atheist and satanist. i've never really looked in to La Vey's teachings. but they really got to me. these two men were so logical, i was so bought in. the Christian well, honestly it was nothing i never heard before. and the Buddhist, even though i've never been familiar with Soka Gakkai, still the same concepts i've been raised on. i mean i respect Buddhist ways and i still incorporate some of their values in my life, i just can't see myself as a Buddhist.

ok

now the athiest, was sooooooooooo cool, and he was very logical and scientific. yet he was understanding and respectful. and he was an artist!

here's a poem he wrote and read to us:

"I believe most enthusiastically - in human potential

for our species survival, your cooperation is essential.

I believe in seeing the best in you, until shown otherwise

I'll try not to judge based upon color, sex or size.

I believe in being optimistic, I see the glass as half full

Those who preach doom and gloom - are just plain of bull!

I believe in charity, in helping empower others

The bottom line is - we are all sisters and brothers

I believe in teaching children respect and responsibilities

It's our duty to help them make the most in their abilities

I believe that real love is like a fine jewel

It must be honed and polished - caring is the tool

I believe in striving to be the best

It's not all about winning, but in living life with zest

I believe in doing good; it gives me so much pleasure

It's not because of fear of hell, nor promises of heavenly treasure

I believe in following the evidence, no matter where it leads

Even if it does not suit my fancy, or fulfill my emotional needs

I believe in science, reason, and the power of the human mind

To nurture curiosity, to seek and to find

I believe in the pursuit of happiness, joy and mirth

Let us all strive together to heaven here on Earth

I don't believe in gods - be they Christian, Muslim or Jew

Instead, I truly do believe in YOU!"

-Robert A. Richert ....Athiest :)

damn man i could've burst into tears if i wanted to. this man speaks the truth and i love him for it. (by the way he's a super joyful and full of spirit kinda guy)

now to push my awe further.....

The Modern Day Satanist spoke up. To be honest, i really though he was just gonna be full of it.

but i was wrong

DEAD wrong

he has very self - empowering and very positive way of life.

here's some excerpts from a handout

"Modern Satanism is a belief system that empowers the individual to be their own god, to be their own caretaker."

"You thank yourself for the hard work, you are the one who has done the hard labor and become what you are, not some man made god. You do not want to thank any higher power for these skills. You would want to thank family, friends, and coworkers for their support and comfort they have provided along the way."

"Pure Individualism"

"Mod. Satanism is not full of hate and racism. Satanism by some, has been considered an Elitist Belief System. This is simply because as a Satanist you always strive to better yourself."

"They are challenged to think for themselves and use their mind. to question everthing. do not follow the crowd."

"to avoid confusion, you must question everything!"

"The search for truth is unholy, anti-establishment, irreligious, and above all Satanic"

"Satan is Doubt"

these guys don't believe in any deities or practice rituals, they use "Satan" as a representation of questioning life and human potential. not at all evil or has horns or some shit.

yeahhh

im pretty much bought.

if you probably might not known i was a practicing Wiccan, im actually not fully into it. i bearly started and haven't done much. my appeal to it was the nature part. and this guy Mod. Sata. (his name was Joseph) was so into nature! he's an activist in saving the rainforest and he's studying in the medical field. anyways. what turned me off in Wiccan is the rituals and constant prayers, that have to be done and practiced. i can't connect that way and i have done some, and believe me, they got to me....and i believe them! but i haven't felt the need to continue. and i really think thats important in a belief. im spiritual as hell. but just not in that way.

i feel deeply about these values that Joseph presented and i feel like i have been practicing that even though i had no idea is was a religion.

I Love Wiccan and it has now become a part of my life im ready to let go.

i know being called Satanism is very frightening, but i believe their values.

besides

if we are so guided by other people's opinions whats the point in having our own?

anywhosssssss

ya know?! im not a dark, depressed bitch. mmkay?

im actually quite a freakin happy as hell person that laughs at really retarded things, and admire will ferrell, and love color and prefer the sun to rain (yes really!!) i may be down in the dumps (usually when im alone) but thats when im most artistic and creative, i need those moments (art inspiration lecture for another time.)

my style, the music i listen, things i prefer over other things does not mean im dark and obssess over death and shit. i am just overly fascinated by these things and its my personal style!!

in other words.

here are links that are def. worth visiting:

haha to keep the "DARKNESS" going....http://www.fmylife.com/

Fuck My Life rants from real people about really sucky situations.

ever wondered what a TRILLION dollars look like? here kids! :...........http://www.pagetutor.com/trillion/index.html

i know its fuckin ridiculous.

runs in the family

and you only though nick cave was hot? look at his son! .....jethro cave......featured in the new VICE magazine.

HOT DAMN!

in other sizziling words...

today i cleaned haus and now prepping ffs.

also awaiting a very important email from SkinGraft!!! ahhh cross your fingahs!

neu

very packed few days.

heres the rundown....

awaiting possible SkinGraft internship. very much on my toes..

definatly interning with metro pop with friends

babysitting with money included :)

new obsession ____ http://www.edible.com

metro.pop

This magazine is a very up to date, urban, modern and or course very stylish fashion and culture magazine.

Their website is worth a visit : http://www.metrodotpop.com/

And yes I am promoting. She works hard for the money! Hey! This isn’t all im gonna say, its just that I will be constantly blogging, tweeting, whatever about events, issues, etc. :D

how to be a bad student

My fork bracelet made by yours truely, I think i can make these for FFS, if i get enough requests...... (haha my first appearance with my first tattoo from like a yr. ago)
Key pin. lace, ribbon, fake diamond. This is definatly gonna be on FFS. I found a mess of keys that open i don't know what, hey, maybe if you get one, you can break into my house or something.

so i've been into following all these self proclaimed fashionistas and artists...and they have a lot of

....WHAT IM WEARING...

like a weekly thing. so hey why not, but you are forewarned that i don't have the best of, or expensive clothing. but watch my evolution!

so today was lazy, im "sportin" a

"distressed" CITY OF ANGELS shirt of the bargain rack from UO (5 bucks).

and gray and very light cardigan stolen from my aunt.

and TUK shoes

also jewlery made by me except the bow necklace is from F21

Waiting last minute to do a month's work of homework.

and here i am straying off and posting pointless blogs that only ghosts read (they probably even don't.....maybe my alter-ego...when im sleep walking, haha when i sleep walk i go online and read my previous blog posts. no i don't thats retarded)

anyways im doing hmk and soon a midterm for my film class, trust me its great, but god i really hate overevaluating things, and this is just exactly that.

toulouse vs. link

my cat and dog needs to befriend each other

anywho i am full of burrito again.

anywho... found this site!


OBSESSED = http://lovelypackage.com/

i love packaged things....<3

*~FaShIoN~* <333 lolzrofl

Xaha, an altern. model, she's rad

Malandrino

man has style

SKINGRAFT

wow. so just saw Jason Webley again and like always, that man blows me away.

and he remembered me? holy shizz.

Sxip Shirey, he's really great. played with makeshift toy instruments and tells really inspiring stories.

i can't say anymore cause it won't come out, im sorry. but really. to try to tell you the truth. jason's music, all the people close to him, (sxip, the dolls, etc...) they help me define me. they to help me realize a lot of things that nothing else can. i have like a invisble piece of thread sewn through jason through amanda through all these people....

in other words

my title had sarcasm, i promise i won't do that again.

as im typing im incredibly full from a burrito and feel like i probably won't be having breakfast or lunch tomorrow.

i realize i might not use my blog to really record events that happen to me, b/c i still keep a journal and i don't like to do that two times, but i might make a seperate blog for that who knows.

so i wanna try to use this purely as an inspiration/philospohical/freak rants...

let us begin!

recently i've been getting back into my original original original trade = fashion.

i do have a seamstress aunt and whose son owns metro.pop with his wife. growing up around these two kinda brainwashed me.

because to be honest i think the fashion world is sick, nauseating and fake.

but here i am planning to make a living out of it. well i've been bouncing from blogs to blogs by fashionistas. and to be honest some of it is pretty freaking lame. but whatever. im getting fucking serious and probably try to intern with anyone i can...(probably my cousin, but will get JANYA BOONPROM - INTERN for changing his kids diapers.)

art is still in my books don't fret. theres no way im abandoning that. i've changed murder to architect. murder has started to annoy me, very hot topic and stupid hardcore band sounding, sorry not gonna happen. :) besides architect rings more true to me, because that is what my father is and what i am of my artwork. my shizz will be my architecture agreed?

the dollhouse....

in my dreams last night....

i was in a dollhouse...well a house that sold doll parts.

i think i was lost, im sorry that im lost.

the dream came in 3 parts....and the house was three stories.

FIRST FLOOR

well this floor was more like a underground wine cellar...

sold exotic wines, pretty dingy as hell. there was pipes leaking green water. powdered wine..i saw. very odd. shelves and shelves full of dusting away wines. and barrels stacked high. bottles, jars, vases, glasses, all full of wine. the girl that was watching me seemed very nervous and proud. she told me this was her life's work, her children. she dosen't advertise, she dosen't own a shop, she dosen't distribute. she only provides to lost souls and old people. these shelves carry recipes from all around the world she says. they are worth more than you can imagine. she believed that these wines should only be given to people who don't know where and why they are here (lost souls) and the elderly that need to see the world for a few moments longer before they depart.

she poured me a glass.

SECOND FLOOR

honestly i walked into one of those old elevators that pull up....i got out and i felt like i was pretty buzzed...now as i got here, i felt like i was in a mansion, velvet drapery, carpet, fresh roses in vases. the people there looked like they should be attending some funeral in the 1920's. black veils on their faces and they all were rushing and chattering. it was all business in there. i walked down a hallway and saw all these people were squeezing in what looked like showrooms. everyone was in line, and i wanted to see what was on the other end...so i got in line. when i was in front (it took like 2 seconds in dream-time) i asked what they sell.... The lady was dressed like what a 1920's flight attendant would dress. "OH! we sell dollparts, mmhhmm yess dollparts and simply as it is doll parts!" why are so many people in line for doll parts? "HAHA (yes it was as creepy as it sounds...) well because they are missing their parts silly...so we provide them, through every traumatic expierience, every fall, every broken heart, rape, murder.....WE FIX THEM!" she smiled..."you just come here and replace your damaged part free of charge and go back out there just like new!" oh.. "do you need any replacements?" um yeah i actually do, but i want to live with my broken parts.."NEXT!!" i turned around a what looked like normal people before, were porcelian like dolls, that had arms missing, legs, eyes, noses, and some were just naked. they all looked so frightened, sad and incomplete.. i walked out feeling a little empty and continued down a hallway that started getting darker, things weren't so fancy looking anymore, floorboards began creaking, cobwebs began appearing, a terrible stench started emanting, wallpaper torn... then i saw four or five men, frantically boarding up doors with plywood. they were sweating, crying, bleeding and praying. i heard something saying that i need to run...

and i ran.

THE THIRD AND FINAL FLOOR

I ran to up to this floor, and suddenly im wearing different clothes. Im in a plain black dress, pearls, my hair is amazingly full, unlike now. im wearing white flats. this story is one large room, soo incredibly big i was like an ant in a football field. it was luxuroius, there was a wall full of windows and the streets below were unpaved, the sky was sepia and light blue, the sun was gleming through the clouds and there was a fresh produce market full of happy people, there were fountains and trees and acres of flowers. it was beautiful and surreal. the rest of the room was full of shelves of books, a hell of a lot of books, there were about five chandeliers incredibly beautiful, and there was a man playing the harp in a corner, and that was the only sound heard. he was wearing a tux and was very much into his music. on the other end, there was a turned armchair facing a large window... i saw puffs of smoke coming from it. a voice from there said " you are going to reach a new phase of your life...." "what you just passed through, you are going to be lost, for a long time. then you will realized what you are missing, and when you get a chance to retrieve what you lost but you decide not to and it will bring you many hardships and fear and others will be scared for you, but in the end, you will realize what it has all come down to and will have no regrets. your life has been worthwhile and you sit here in solace and peace and watch others and the beauty that continues long after you are gone." she turned around and she was an eldery lady, i have not seen before. she was wearing a spoon turned into a bracelet.

i wear a fork bracelet everyday.

.....

Now i know that was very detailed and elaborate for a dream, but it was mighty detailed and reevaluated and clarified things that i coudn't make sense of when i woke up, but throughly going through it helped me understand.